Long ago, Ellen Gregory–fellow writer, blogger, and all-around excellent human–bestowed upon me the ‘Very Inspiring Blogger Award.’ In return, I bestow upon her this expression of gratitude:
As this award appears to be a vehicle for revealing seven pieces of information about oneself, I have unearthed these random facts…
Seven Items I’d Bring to a Zombie Apocalypse
1. A Pair of Sturdy Hiking Boots
Perhaps one day you’ll dash out to pick up the dry cleaning, only to have a sudden zombie apocalypse cut off the flow of gasoline and drive what remains of humanity into tribalism and banditry. The closest survivor enclave could be over in the next state, leaving you no choice but to walk there.
Is this a situation that calls for: a) a pair of comfortable flip-flops, or b) hiking boots, with rugged soles like monster truck tires, and sturdy enough to kick a path through waves of shambling zombies without getting one’s toes gnawed?
For the fashionable, yet practical, survivor, there’s only one answer. And since hiking boots happen to be my everyday footwear of choice, if a zombie apocalypse were to break out, 1/7 of my preparations are already complete.
2. My Smartphone
I have a smartphone app that caches the text from every Wikipedia article, allowing me to carry in my pocket a repository of all human knowledge. The GPS could easily guide me to any survivor enclave, and with the camera, I could take photos of zombies and post them on social media with some of the classic captions like “invisible sandwich” and “I see what you did there.”
And let’s not forget a smartphone’s ability to play music. Who doesn’t need groovy jams on a road trip?
“But your smartphone wouldn’t work anymore,” people might say. “Zombies are dumb and would chew through all the power lines and stuff. There would be no electricity or functional cell phone towers.”
But if we can suspend enough of our disbelief in a fictional work to accept the premise of the dead rising to devour the living, then we can surely extend it enough to include wireless service because, hey…imagination
3. A Clean T-Shirt
You never know when you might find yourself at an event with a stringent dress code. Showing up in a grimy shirt that a zombie had torn and half-eaten would no doubt be the faux pas of the social season.
Outside during daylight hours, sunglasses shield my eyes–even when the sky grows swollen and dark with rain. A zombie apocalypse is unlikely to change this.
5. My Fiction
A writer needs to overcome distraction, so why should a zombie apocalypse be different from a cat pawing at our keyboards? I’d find a way to keep writing…
…probably not a zombie apocalypse novel, though.
6. A Zombie Defense System
I’d also need an instrument of zombie-repulsion. If I let my hiking boots do all the work, my leg muscles would overdevelop until I resembled a pair of tree trunks crowned by a spindly body and sunglasses. The obvious solution is a weapon that works out my arms so I look proportioned by the time I arrive at the gates of the survivor enclave.
“You can’t enter,” the gate guard shouts. “We have no more vacancies.”
“Wait a minute. Is that a clean t-shirt?”
“Why, yes,” I reply, modeling the shirt. “Yes, it is.”
“Well, come on in! We’re about to have caviar. You’ll fit right in.”
So just what is this super-weapon with astounding powers of upper body development?
Simple and durable in construction, this compact weapon packs small and requires no accessories to maintain full functionality. But laser sights do look pretty cool in movies and stuff, so I’d just have to get them custom-installed with any potential nunchaku purchase.
Should the zombie apocalypse strike before then, I guess I’ll make do with a spray bottle of Zom-B-Gone.
7. A Backpack with Lots of Pockets
A zombie apocalypse means zombie apocalypse loot. To sustain myself on the trip to the survivor enclave, I’d need a backpack with lots of pockets to hold all my Tic Tacs, burritos, and spray cheese in a can.
And if I can find one made from a material strong enough to protect me from the biting of zombie teeth, easy enough when considering the gum problems most zombies would likely have, the backpack becomes a multipurpose item–a desirable property in any piece of zombie apocalypse equipment.
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At this point, I’m supposed to tag some other bloggers for the award. This one’s been going around for a while, so I wouldn’t be surprised if every blog I visit has already been tagged, and probably more than once. Even so, I’d like to spotlight at least a couple of the blogs I like:
Searching For SuperWomen – This is a brand new blog, but there’s already some pretty good stuff here pertaining to women and geek culture.
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There are many Very Inspiring Bloggers out there. Who among them have inspired you?